1. Lie down, close your eyes and let your body take you into the transcendental state of the lack of thermoregulation. Get ready to experience a wild ride full chills, shivers and sweating all at once. Who needs drugs when you can get a fever, right?
2. Go to the doc and come back sheerly unconvinced with his diagnosis that you have the “regular” flu. Since there’s nothing “regular” about how you feel, you wonder what you need to do for docs to take you seriously? Eat a bat?
3. Decide that you’ll make your bed-rest fun by watching good TV but end up feeling terribly depressed after 6 hours of binging on shows about people who’s lives are 1000x better than you – a regular person with a regular flu.
4. Wonder if you made a mistake leaving your ex and decide to stalk him online. After one hour of stalking you are still unsure if he is single… so you do what anyone sensible would do when they have their sexy flu voice – call your ex.
5. Enter into a full blown existential crisis about being able to breathe through only one nostril.